Unsent letters

On Su Ann's blog, she has a category called "unsent letters". This is not an unsent letter, for it was never a letter. But it was unsent. Naturally.

Warning: Dangerous content ahead. Please make no assumptions if you want to stay alive.

Why do I feel like I have lost more than I have gained?

Because it is true.

We used to talk so easily together. And now every conversation is stilted, it is as if we were never actually friends.

When I speak to you, I feel like you can't wait to be rid of me, like I am wasting your time.

What about gain?

There are people I never thought I would be speaking to. But this gain feels superfluous, like a wisp of smoke in the air, compared to what we had. If that did not last, how can I expect this to?

How can I be optimistic any more?

Please do not blame me for my pessimism, for I cannot help it. Like gravity pulls you towards the ground, all that has happened is pulling me towards pessimism.

But I am still alive. And in the meantime, laugh to keep from crying, smile to keep from frowning, for the seeds of optimism are still there.

Optimism in inborn, but pessimism is learned.